Monday, October 11, 2010
I was not expecting this at all, and I thought I was mentally prepared for it. Little did I know that the fears would come back, and full force.
For about a month now, I have been having recurring nightmares that I go to sleep and wake up 590lbs, and in my dreams there is nothing I can do about it.
No matter how well I followed that plan in my dream, I still gained. Even though I know that is just a dream, I still had to talk my self out of feeling that way.
When I went to weight watchers and stepped on the scale, and saw that I gained 3.2lbs, I felt for the first time that sinking feeling that I often had in my dreams.
Before you start wondering if I went off plan, or if I ate something that I should not have, just let me clarify that I did not. I followed the plan to a T, and it was just my week to gain.
For the whole week I kept wondering; Am I going to lose this next week? Will I gain? It was definitely a learning experience.
You see if someone else came up to me and told me that they gained for the first time, and they followed the plan. I would ask them to look at how far they have come. I would have said that it was ok, and that the next week they would do better.
Why couldn't I grasp this for me. All I could see was the gain.
So after leaving the meeting, I called my weight watchers leader and had the opportunity to talk to her about it. She told me to look past it, and to think of how far I had come. Think of what I would say to other people.
I wasn't having any doubts about the plan, and I was not even close to thinking that I needed to stop eating right. That would be silly on my part. I just kept doing exactly what I needed to do.
I do believe that this gain will help me be prepared for others that might come, because there are going to be other hiccups. This is a life style not a diet. This is a healthy way of living, and weight loss comes along with it. I was still 450.2, that is such a dramatic change from 590, and I will never be back there, EVER!!!.
I wanted to share this with you, to show that it does happen along the way, and that yes this is a learning process, and every experience will teach us, it's our job to learn from our experiences.
Learning from our experiences is something that I am working hard to do. Now I will be better equipped to sympathize with someone who has had a gain, and I will hopefully be able to help them see through it.
Just because there was a hiccup does not mean this plan does not work. It works, I am proof of that, one gain and I am still significantly lower than my starting weight.
Here is the video of the gain, the week before I was 447.0 and this weigh in I weighed in at 450.2.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Here are the videos.
Weigh in date 9/8/2010: the week before I was 458.8 and I weighed in at 456.2 so i lost a total of 2.6lbs that week.
Weigh in date 9/13/2010: the week before I was 456.2 and I weighed in at 453.0 so I lost a total of 3.2lbs that week
Weigh in Date 9/20/2010: the week before I was 453.0 and I weighed in at 447.0 so I lost a total of 6lbs :).
I know there are some missing but in my next post I have some news to share before I post more.
I just want you all to know that I know that this works. I am losing weight and am proof that this system works.
Seeing the numbers on the scale shows me how far I have come, and how far I can still go.
I don't think that this plan is all about the scale though, there is so much more to it. Your attitude about life changes. You view of your self changes, and deciding that you can do this, with out excuses, gives you a power that no one can take away from you.
Sometimes all we have to do is get out of out own way. Believe me I am not with out hard moments as you will see in posts to come, but I do not doubt my ability to overcome this addiction and to concur it. Ultimately becoming healthy, in both mind and body.
For about 3 years now I have not been able to wear my wedding ring because I was to big. I thought I was going to have to wait until I was under 400lbs to even get it on. During my weight loss journey I had tried it on a couple times, and it still didn't fit. So I decided to give it a while. Well one day I was in my second bedroom and decided you know what I will try it on.
I feel that this was a big NSV (non scale victory), and one of my winning out comes (goals that are reachable). As I lose more and more weight I can start to see the old me coming back, and I love it.
Now when I am hit on (this never happens lol) they will know that I am happily married. :)
Here is my picture. enjoy.