Well first of all I should let you know that I now have a new goal for my self that I will no longer weigh my self during the week and limit my self to weighing in only once a week.
On Saturday June 19Th I had this urge to weigh my self wanting to see how I was doing for that week, and I found a scale at the hospital that weighed me so I thought no harm done. So I proceeded to drive over to the hospital and weigh my self, after having eaten, of course you know the outcome of that. I gained. I was devastated I didn't know what to say. All I could do is turn away from the scale and walk away. I was angry I almost said a curse word, and for those of you who know me, I do not cuss. Lets just say I was sad, angry, and on the verge of tears. Did I say once to my self, "Charles look how far you have come", "Look how much weight you have lost", no I didn't I, just felt shocked.
After getting in to the car I asked my self, "Did I not follow my plan?", "Did I do something wrong?", I couldn't think of anything. I told my self to, JUST GET OVER IT, and MOVE ON. Usually when I tell my self this I feel better, but the idea of my first gain scared me, and scared me bad. I had this irrational fear that I was going to wake up and be 590 pounds again and there was nothing that I could do about it.
As you can see I went to my meeting and I lost. Again I was surprised, shocked, and over joyed, but still suffering from the after effects of the thought of weight gain. I will post the video that I made post weigh in and you can see how I react. here it is.
After leaving the meeting I felt a lot better, but my fear wasn't gone. I decided who better to talk to about thin than Juan Te, my weight watchers leader, and walking partner, I expressed to her my fear of gaining all of my weight back, and she told me that I was not the only one who had this fear, and as I continue on my Journey, which I had no intention of giving up, that I would see results, and that losing weight comes with a lot of emotion and sometimes you don't always know how to deal with these emotions. She suggested counseling and I think that is something that would be beneficial to me.
Being a large man, okay lets face it, morbidly obese, I have a lot of emotions that I need to over come during this journey, which will help me be the improved, thin Charles that I want to be.
After talking to Juan Te, and understanding that one week I will have a gain. It is inevitable. I feel a lot better. I still know that I can do this, and I will. I wanted to write about this because this is real. Life isn't always perfect, and everyone has things that drag them down from time to time. I am so grateful to my wife, Juan Te, and all of you guys, my friends.
Now on a happier note. I will have another weigh in on Wednesday so I'll be posting that as soon as I can after that.
Also Carly and I are going to start doing Zumba. I am way excited about that, I tried it on Friday and I loved it. I will keep you all posted on that.
P.S.S. I have been meaning to get my before and up til now picture up so that will be soon.
Thank you all for your support, we are doing it. :)
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